The brisk days of fall are upon us, signaling the end of summer, and with it the end of joyful vacation moments, including things like trying to get from the airline check-in counter to your actual boarding gate. Those of you who fly often may have grown immune to this type of frustration and can skip ahead to the next article about the bickering at the last meeting of the (pick one: fire department, school district, park district).

But for those of you like me who prefer the train, the 10 air travel suggestions below may help you keep your sanity the next time you are foolish enough to book a flight.

1. In the security line, sandals are also shoes. Take them off. The soles could be used to hide more than three ounces of shampoo.

2. When you go through the body scanner, make sure your pockets are completely emptied. I had a tissue in my pocket, and the security guard stopped me and said, “Sir, are you SURE you have emptied your pockets?” I’m guessing that tissues have been used in terror attempts known only to the TSA. I overheard one guard tell another that they nailed a guy the previous week with an entire box of Kleenex in his carry-on.

3. Do not try to take a road sign through security. For reasons that I won’t divulge (it was a gift for my son), I was carrying a “One Way” sign that wife Margaret and I found at a local antique shop. I had it wrapped in pink flowered wrapping paper, and the guards did not know what to do. They x-rayed it twice (I tried to explain it was just a sheet of metal, but this was not helpful) and then took it away for a special inspection on a different machine. They eventually gave it back to me, but I think only because it said “One Way” rather than “Yield.” “One Way” is a religious belief protected by the First Amendment. “Yield” is an entirely different matter.

4. When you board the plane, notice the large amount of leg room you have compared to flights years ago, and the spacious overhead compartments designed to hold lots of luggage.

5. Despite assurances from airline personnel, do not put a road sign in the overhead compartment.

6. When the man in the row in front of you attempts to retrieve a toy for his son from the overhead compartment, remind him that objects may have shifted in flight and could be unstable.

7. If the man sitting next to you happens to be hit on the head when an object falls out of the overhead bin, grab the box of Kleenex you snuck through security. Forehead cuts tend to bleed a lot.

8. For emergencies and concerns, rely on the airline’s staff to provide aid and direction, and to know exactly where the pediatrician from Minnesota is sitting. They are professionals and trained for every situation. I’m serious about that.

9. After a few minutes and the emergency is under control, join with the others seated around you in giving the injured man ideas for stories he can relate to his family about how he got the cut. The lady adjacent offered “You should have seen the other guy,” and a man across the aisle thought of “I stopped a terror attack with my head.” I suggested “My wife came after me again with the rolling pin,” but that suggestion was vetoed.

10. Above all, try to have a good time. Remember, it could be a lot worse. You could be going to a park district meeting.

— Greg Wessel is an Island writer and humorist.