By Richard Rogers
For The Beachcomber
I have followed the tourism issue with great interest and believe I have a sure-fire way to bring in those big beautiful tourist dollars Vashon Island so desperately wants right now. The economy has gone south faster than songbirds in a snowstorm, and times are tougher than two-week old leftover turkey so we need a great marketing plan to save Vashon.
We have a real nice folksy little village here with fine dining, awesome arts, lots of wholesome outdoor activities plus two rural islands full of handsome, healthy and rustically authentic-looking locals for tourists to gawk at.
So what’s missing and where are the boatloads of tourists and their fun money? Well, all that earthy, artsy homespun ambiance is just fine, but we Islanders have a way bigger draw than artsy and folksy sitting right under our noses.
That’s right, we have something most big cities would die for — real live celebrities.
I have it under strictest confidence from a very reliable source that Johnny Depp, Barbara Walters, John Travolta, Madonna and other famous folks will soon be moving here.
Now take a deep breath, let it out slowly and dream along with me …
I see a shiny new all-electric eco-friendly tour bus scooping up flocks of celebrity-seeking deep-pocketed tourists down at the ferry dock. The Celebrity Safari Solar Shuttle silently glides up the hill and on through town with cheerful tour guides pointing out all the fine shops and eateries along the way.
And now the pièce de résistance — a sloooow drive by the celebrity homes and all of the places where the stars have been sighted lately. It won’t hurt repeat business to have celebrity look-alikes planted here and there to spice up the tour.
Our visitors are now in a celebrity feeding frenzy, so it’s back to town for lunch, souvenirs and T-shirts, and, for a hefty tax-deductible donation to the Keep Vashon Weird Foundation, the happy travelers can have their picture taken with a life-size cardboard cut-out of their favorite star.
You may be thinking, “That’s great news for the shops, restaurants and B&B’s, but what about everyone else?”
How will you cash in on the celebrity windfall, you ask? Well, for instance, I live a short walk away from Misty Isle Farm, soon to be Rancho Depp, so I’ll be advertising my house in The Beachcomber to rent out by the half-day to paparazzi and hard-core fans.
And here’s a hot tip — if you don’t own real estate near Misty Isle Farm, snap it up while you can, because once word gets out about you-know-who moving here, those places will be gone in a heartbeat. And surely there are more strategically located homes with a peek-a-boo views of other alleged future celebrity homes. If you’re a person who thinks big, the price on the Maury Island gravel pit is dropping like a stone, and it would definitely make an awesome theme park.
Of course, our famous new residents will want to see Wax Orchard air field converted to Vashon International Airport, but, trust me folks, this is going to be a great windfall for all of us. Just imagine the endless possibilities — Hard Rock Café Vashon, Six Flags Maury, Point Robinson Lighthouse Casino and so much more.
My wife Susan and I lived for 10 years in Miami where the worst aspects of commercializing a beautiful locale have been common practice from day one. Through great good fortune we have been 20-year residents of Vashon Island and truly hope it remains a vibrant, creative place of natural beauty.
So I plan to open jet-ski concessions at Jensen Point, Lisabeula Park and KVI Beach with half the proceeds generously donated to the schools, Audubon, Vashon Allied Arts and the land trust. It’s the least I can do.
— Richard Rogers is a Vashon Web designer who is honored that his irreverent idea for celebrity tourism was adapted and performed by the Holy Roller Radio Players at Church of Great Rain.
