It’s funny how perspectives change.

For nine years, I have lived on the Island. I managed to cobble together a living running a business from my home. It was stressful. But I was able to take walks with friends, go to class parties for my kids, volunteer and spend what seemed like 20 hours a day driving kids around the Island.

Those days seem pretty easy now.

Yep, I joined the ranks of the full-time commuters. For years, I talked about giving up running a business and actually doing what I wanted to do — work at a nonprofit. So, after a few attempts, I landed a job in Seattle, doing just that.

I spent the summer frantically learning the job, getting to know the community and learning how to manage finances. At the same time, I spent the summer watching my kids miss the old days.

I don’t think any of us in the family knew quite how easy it was when one parent was home. Now my life is full of favor requests. I go to a team of parents all the time, asking for rides to soccer or home from after school activities. I am drilling the kids on how to cook dinner and how to keep the house clean. I am learning how to say no to some hobbies I really love and will miss. I am finding a lack of time to see friends and catch up. And exercise? Not happening anymore.

There are greater questions that have come up for me. It is a recession; I assume more parents are commuting. Then why do we have an Island not built for commuting? Why are practices right after school? Why are orientations and parent meetings during school hours? I find myself constantly frustrated that when you have two parents in a family who commute, all of the sudden there is a lot of vacation time someone is taking to be there for the kids.

I know many of you have commuted for years and are probably shaking your heads that I find all of this adjustment in joining your pool. And I know my friends who are lucky enough to still be working on the Island may not even appreciate how easy it is when one parent is home to make dinner.

But I also know this: We moved to Vashon nine years ago, and I remember saying I would run a business from home for a while and that I would re-enter the Seattle world full time when the kids were older. My oldest is now a sophomore in high school, my youngest a fourth grader at Chautauqua. So I began to realize this year that the time may be at hand. I began to slowly have this need to rejoin the world more and have a greater part of myself invested in my career. I began to envision a window. That window looked like it could close someday. So I grabbed the chance.

I think I am glad that I did. I want my kids to know that it is OK to learn to be independent, to use the bus more and get rides from friends. I figure I did plenty of favors for others over the years and maybe I just have to become comfortable with asking for help. It is hard for me, and I feel like I apologize to a few of them all the time, since they have become ad-hoc “chauffeurs.” But these are people who have a pretty deep commitment to friendship. I don’t know what I would do without them.  

I also want my kids to see it is possible to make a choice to be home with them, but it is also possible to make a choice to let them fly and go back into the world more. It is a different choice for every parent, and a highly personal one. For me, it feels like the right time.

But as I sit on the bus and look around at the people next to me, I realize I don’t know many of them. I never took the time. I was busy with Camp Fire or coaching a team. These people were busy getting up in the dark and making their way to the city. They are just as much a part of the parenting community as the people are who work at home. The commuters still want to be part of their kids’ lives. They just have to be creative, depend on networking and transportation, find flexible employers and ask a lot of favors.

I wish I would have known some of these people earlier. But it’s not too late; I am getting to know them now. And the truth is that we have a lot more in common than I ever knew. I look forward to hanging out on the passenger boat with them every day, or taking the bus with them in the morning. I look forward to talking with them over coffee.

I hope to see you around town, Vashon. I’ll be the commuter who still looks like she is having fun. That is, until she comes home to a messy house and no dinner.

— Lauri Hennessey is the executive director of the Municipal League of King County.