Over the last month or so, teen boys across the country have taken their own lives — all after being brutally bullied for being gay or perceived as gay. Tyler Clementi, 18, Seth Walsh, 13, Raymond Chase, 19, Asher Brown, 13, Billy Lucas, 15, and Justin Aaberg, 15, hanged, shot or drowned themselves because the pain was too great to continue living.

It may seem like old news now, weeks later. But what happened in these various communities across the country should hardly be ignored or forgotten because their deaths no longer dominate the headlines. Indeed, now, weeks later, we have an opportunity here on Vashon to look into our own community and ask ourselves how we’re handling the issues that led to this horrible spate of suicides.

The homophobia that emerged after their deaths is sobering. Consider what Clint McCance, a school board member from the Midland School District in Arkansas, said in response to national wear purple day to support gay youth: “Seriously, they want me to wear purple because five queers committed suicide. The only way I’m wearin’ it for them is if they all commit suicide. … We are honoring the fact that they sinned and killed thereselves because of their sin. Really, people.”

Here in Washington and especially on Vashon we don’t expect to hear such talk, but one thing I’ve learned over the years is to never underestimate what people will do to each other. Attitudes like this are poison to a community and to individuals, gay or straight. It is easy to point to someone like Mr. McCance and say this is wrong, but it is equally important to point to lesser examples and say we won’t tolerate this here. I don’t know anyone on Vashon who thinks this way, and I hope there are none, but if there are, I hope we are sending a loud message that those thoughts or any like them are unacceptable.

Suicide is the third leading cause of death among teens and young adults ages 15 to 24. National statistics say that 77 percent of all students report being bullied at some time in their life. In a given month, 23 percent of students will report being bullied one to three times. Of all students in grades 6 through 10, 30 percent report being involved in moderate to frequent bullying — as bullies, victims or both. LGBTQ kids (that stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning) are four times more likely to commit suicide, and those who live in unaccepting homes are nine times more likely to kill themselves. Startling statistics.

We are lucky to live in a place like Vashon. I believe our students aren’t subjected to bullying to the extent it happens in other areas, and our schools have taken steps to prevent and deal with it effectively. Policies clearly state intolerance for bullying, and teachers and staff are encouraged to intervene at the first notice of bullying or harassment. Anti-bullying is taught at McMurray, and there is an active gay-straight alliance at the high school.

This is not just a school issue. True, most bullying happens at school because that’s where kids are, but it’s not the only place, especially in the age of cyber-everything. Facebook, MySpace, Formspring, texting, email and Twitter all provide opportunities to bully in ways that previously didn’t exist. It can be subtle or obvious; either way it can be profound and devastating. Bullying is also not just a gay issue. Kids get bullied all the time for numerous reasons.

Hate is learned. Bullying is learned. We teach it, and we can un-teach it. It’s up to me. It’s up to you. It’s up to all of us to keep our children safe. It’s up to us to teach intolerance of hatred and bigotry. Every time we don’t speak out against hate we support it. Every time we let some off-the-cuff remark go unchallenged we encourage it. That may some day cost a life, a precious young life. Let’s not let that happen on Vashon.

— Ken Maaz is the executive director at Vashon Youth & Family Services.