I recall a woman telling me once at a party years ago that her 12-year-old was rebelling, starting to date boys too early and starting to be snappy and surly. I listened with trepidation, holding my new baby in my arms and wondering how I could avoid this fate. I remember the woman sighed deeply and said something to the effect of, “I don’t know what good it will do me to correct anything at this point. All of those parenting experts say that once your kid hits 13, you’ve done pretty much all you can do. From there on in, your kid is raised by their peers.”

Could this be true? Do we really get 13 years to impart our morals, our lessons and our ethics to our kids? Then they go to work figuring it out with their friends?

With that question bouncing around in my mind for the last 13 years, I’ve had a ticking timebomb going on as my daughter approached her 13th birthday this summer. And, as she passed the momentous occasion, I have been thinking a lot about three 13-year- olds with the charmingly similar names of Ella, Emma and Emily.

Emily Bruce and Ella McConnell met my daughter Emma in Camp Fire about five years ago and became friends. I remember many an hour in the cold with these girls, selling Camp Fire candy. This summer our family is doing what we do every summer — organizing a back-to-school supply drive for our community. The town is stepping up as usual. And our kids are involved once again, painting signs and putting together fliers. But this year’s drive is now a bit different than those of the past.

Ella came up with the idea of putting on a rummage sale and giving half of all of the proceeds to the school drive. You need to understand Ella. Tall, beautiful and kind, Ella can inspire kids to follow her. So when she came up with this idea, I knew things would rock and roll. Our daughter Emma jumped in instantly, and then Emily. Before you knew it, the girls were e-mailing their friends and making up fliers. Now word is spreading, and I am sure the rummage sale will be a hit — as well as a lot of fun for kids and a good lesson for them, too.

I took some pictures of the girls yesterday and found myself thinking of what I was doing at 13. I was probably picking berries. I had slumber parties with friends and spent a lot of time swimming. But I wasn’t painting signs or making fliers, and I didn’t come up with the idea that Ella did.

How do kids learn generosity? Was it because they were in Camp Fire or because people were teaching them along the way? Whatever the reason, the idea took root. And I wonder, looking at these 13-year-olds, where they will be in 30 years. Giving to charities? Working for nonprofit organizations? Or maybe even running school drives and taking photographs of their children working on rummage sales?

The spirit of giving is a tremendous thing to give your children. I find myself deeply humbled watching it take root in these kids. And knowing somehow they’ll never lose it.

Well, that’s that. My work here is done. Guess I can leave these kids to their own devices from here on out, according to that long-lost friend’s adage. I’ll just go give myself a five-year spa treatment.

Yeah, right.

— Lauri Hennessey is a writer, PR consultant and parent on Vashon. Read about the back-to-school drive rummage sale on page A6.