By Shannon Flora

For The Beachcomber

I was glad to hear about White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel’s recent gaffe and the kerfuffle it caused. For those not familiar with the story, he was quoted in the Wall Street Journal using the phrase “f***ing retarded.” Disability advocates were suitably outraged; some called for his resignation.

Why was I glad? This slip of the tongue brought to the public consciousness one of the final frontiers in the fight for civil rights in our country — the rights of our disabled community.

Most people are PC enough to avoid use of the “N” word and other labels that are racially and culturally offensive. Most even know to avoid words such as “crippled” or “gimp” to describe those with physical disabilities. The “R” word, however, is something many toss into their daily speech as if it were a type of punctuation. Not only has it become a speech habit for many, but when directed at those with intellectual, neurological or learning disabilities, it is every bit as offensive, hurtful and inappropriate as calling an African-American the “N” word.

Whew. I am relieved we can say that out loud now.

No doubt there are some who still use offensive slurs in private but at least recognize when to avoid using them in public. Not so with the “R” word. You cannot tell by looking at someone if they have a child, relative or friend with these types of disabilities. You may not realize that someone you come face to face with has a hidden disability. When the word is directed at someone with a bona fide disability, it is unbearable. Those offended don’t want to be accused of being overly PC and often remain silent, wincing and biting their tongue.

This issue goes beyond speech. Enlightened parents who would never condone their kid excluding another child because of ethnic, religious or race differences don’t think twice when disabled classmates are excluded from social functions outside of school. Otherwise competent teachers exclude disabled students from certain class activities, assuming they can’t handle it before even giving them a chance to try. These things happen all the time and send a powerful message to children. Kids see respected adults treat disabled kids as “different” or requiring exclusion from certain activities, and a mind-set is formed. Kids with a disability regretfully become convinced they are different.

In our family, the current focus is middle school. I see girls who are addicted to their iPods, like going to movies with friends, love slumber parties, have vivid imaginations, experiment with make-up and are developing their own fashion sense. I see boys who are masters of video games, enjoy Rec Night and like to “hang out” on Facebook. Other kids are sports fanatics or music aficionados, are experienced actors or enjoy dances. Some are masters of their Nintendo DS and Wii and are charming conversationalists. They have raging hormones, days when they are still that little kid you’ve always known and days when they are utterly exasperating and hate the idea of having parents.

Sounds like a typical teen, right? Well, it also sounds like teens who also happen to have some kind of disability. And that is exactly the point. They may be kids with learning disabilities, autism, Down syndrome, head injuries, neurological issues or any number of diagnoses that cause them to be viewed as “different.” What is remarkable is how un-different they are from other kids. They are more like their peers in many ways than they are different. However, our society and, yes, our community tend to focus on their “differences.” These kids don’t want to be treated as “special” or “different.” They want to fit in. They want to be a friend.

Inclusion is another word that gets bandied about a lot. As a society, we have become more inclusive and have made incredible strides over the past 50 years. However, we are not done yet. Inclusion is not just a matter of putting in wheelchair ramps and accommodating disabled kids in public schools.

Real inclusion must occur in all aspects of daily life. What might that look like? We have a good start, because many kids on Vashon are kind, help those in need and treat all other kids at school with respect. Going a step further and befriending kids with disabilities outside the boundaries of school would a great step in the right direction.

Accommodating kids with disabilities in P.E. class is wonderful. Now let’s find a role for them in sport activities outside school hours, a place where friendships are formed and are a key part of our sports-crazy community. These suggestions just scratch the surface of possibilities.

So thank you, Mr. Emanuel, for your blunder. It has opened the gates for a more candid conversation into what inclusion truly means for our citizens with disabilities. It makes clear the expectation that they will be treated respectfully, not ridiculed or have their disability used as a pejorative. Let’s keep the conversation going.

— Shannon Flora is a member of the Vashon Island School District special education advisory committee and the Vashon PTSA board and is the mother of a McMurray Middle School student.

Parents, caregivers and family members of Vashon youth with special needs will get together from 7 to 9 p.m. Monday, March 1, at the VYFS PlaySpace (at the corner of Gorsuch Road and Vashon Highway). For more information, contact Heather Flanery at 463-1529 or Shannon Flora at 463-5008.