By CHRISTOPHER GAYNOR
For The Beachcomber

I am a Vietnam veteran, and like millions of other veterans, I will observe Veterans Day next Tuesday. This national holiday pays tribute to all American veterans, but especially to living veterans who served their country honorably during war or during peacetime. Vashon will offer some special programs and activities for veterans and their families. I encourage you to attend an event or plan one of your own.

Vashon has a long tradition of military service, which is commemorated each year by American Legion Post 159 in its Memorial Day service at the Vashon Cemetery. Walk around the cemetery on that day and you will see some 500 flags at the gravesites of Vashon veterans who served from the Civil War to the Afghanistan and Iraq wars.

I am a Vietnam veteran. I say this again because just a few years ago I would not have acknowledged this fact. My generation’s dance with death was the main event at the epicenter of the turbulent 1960s, an era that changed America forever. The Vietnam War was our elephant in the room. Those of us who went to Vietnam and survived returned home as outcasts. We were called baby killers and faced hostility or indifference. There were no parades, no welcome home and no respect. This was devastating for the young men and women who did their best in a terrible situation.

Four decades later, Vietnam War veterans are now treated with more respect, are accepted by veterans of earlier wars and have been mostly well cared for by the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). But while we are honoring our veterans, we must also acknowledge and honor their families.

Every service member who goes to war leaves family and friends behind on the “home front.” My own husband has been an immense support to me. Even though we didn’t meet until seven years after my return from Vietnam, Paul has been my co-veteran every step of the way for the past 40 years as I have fought post-traumatic stress disorder and the Parkinson’s disease I developed from exposure to Agent Orange. Paul helps me clean the graves of the Vashon sons lost in the Vietnam War. He accompanied me to the Vietnam Veterans Memorial in Washington, D.C. He drove me 1,000 miles to meet with the grieving families of my friends killed in Vietnam. And he has put his 30 years of experience as a social worker to good use by helping veterans apply for VA benefits and health care. He does all this and much more without complaint.

While families support veterans all over the country, more than 58,000 men and women did not survive the Vietnam War and left behind devastated loved ones. There are the two widows I have come to know in recent years whose husbands died in Vietnam. The two young husbands (I was with one when he died) were the same age, were killed in the same year and month and never saw their newborn children. Then there is the kid brother of one of my friends killed in action who has never stopped watching for his big brother to come walking up the lane, and the schoolmates and friends of the 12 Vashon sons lost in the Vietnam war who will never stop grieving for them.

Now we have a new generation of war veterans. As they return home, they have been treated with more respect and compassion than was my generation. “Hate the war, love the warrior” may be a cliché, but in practice it has made all the difference to the men and women who have given so much and been asked to give more.

Thousands have also died, including two fine young men from Vashon who are survived by grieving parents, friends and community. Many more have survived multiple tours, like my friend Charles. Charlie is an Army sergeant and veteran of combat deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan. During his service, his wife Vanessa cared for their children, kept track of every aspect of the household and did all this while under the crushing stress of wondering if she would ever see Charlie again. So, this Veterans Day, as we go about the business of living our complicated lives, why not reach out to the family of an active duty service member or veteran who you know not just to thank them, but to ask how you might help.

When it comes to war, there are no good wars, no real winners and no genuine victories. When we go to war, we have already lost, and what is lost is gone forever. George Washington once said, “My first wish is to see this plague of mankind, war, banished from the earth.” Perhaps someday we can make his wish come true.

But for now, let us put aside the controversy surrounding our involvement in unwinnable wars in the Middle East and focus on those who have been thrown into doing the dirty work. Let us embrace them as our neighbors and fellow Americans and lend a helping hand, have a kind word to say to them and treat them with the respect that they have earned and deserve.

— Christopher Gaynor is a veteran of the Vietnam War and a member of the American Legion Post 159 and Veterans of Foreign Wars Post 2826.

Veterans Day Events

Veterans Day Assembly for veterans and their families from 9:30 to 10:15 a.m. Monday, Nov. 10, in the Chautauqua gym.

Veterans Day Brunch free to veterans at noon, Tuesday, Nov. 11, at the Vashon Senior Center.

Veterans Day Dinner free to veterans at 6 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 11, at the Vashon Eagles. The meal is $5 for other guests.

Veterans Day Service at Vashon Community Care at 2 p.m. on Tuesday, Nov. 11.