Anyone who has planned a wedding, no matter the size, knows it’s a complex process. There are so many details to arrange well in advance. Notifying family and friends early and locking in the venue helps to ensure it will be the memorable, happy, and meaningful event envisioned by the couple.
Another event everyone encounters can also be memorable and meaningful to an individual, family, and friends if the same advanced planning occurs. This event is dying.
Preparing in advance for one’s death can be an overwhelming, emotionally difficult process. Many people ignore it altogether. At least half of Americans die without any indication of their preference for the kind of medical treatment they may want.
Over recent years, there have been wonderful advances to treat serious diseases and accidental injuries. But all too often they extend a person’s life beyond what they consider constitutes a good quality of life. It is at this point when the benefits of advanced planning come into effect.
Dying is not a one-size fits all. That’s where planning ahead to prepare documents, and having conversations that reflect your customs, values, and preferences comes in. This takes away the guesswork for your doctors, caregivers, family, friends and larger circle of supporters about what you may want, especially if you are unable to speak for yourself.
Just as many brides often need the expertise of wedding planners, so do many people when preparing for a peaceful death. What forms are needed and where do you get them? What and when do you say something to your doctor? How do you get all the care available? How do you talk to your family? Does the paperwork need to be signed by a notary? What about getting adequate pain meds, or dementia end of life care?
It is possible to have a straightforward and sensitive conversation about dying that is not sad or depressing, but instead provides the tools, information and resources to give one peace of mind.
On Monday evening, Oct. 16, from 6 to 8 p.m., Women Hold the Key at Synergy is sponsoring such a workshop, open to anyone who wants to learn about the tools, resources, and specific how-tos in creating healthcare advanced directives, selecting a power of attorney for healthcare, ensuring a lasting legacy, understanding the Washington Death with Dignity Act, preparing for a dementia related death, and more. Personal experiences as well as very practical information will be shared by two speakers with more than 40 years of experience in the end-of-life care movement.
I’ve been widowed twice. Both husbands died of stage four cancer. John had a peaceful, pain free death. Kevin did not. Having experienced the benefits of John’s advanced planning, my goal is to share information and resources to help others. You don’t have to do this alone.
Kay Longhi and Wendy Norman are consultants with Worry Free Wednesdays, a Seattle based company that offers workshops and one-on-one consulting about fully understanding your end-of-life choices. Kay, an island resident, sat on the board of End of Life Washington for 23 years. Wendy left her 25 year management job at Microsoft to devote the next decade to researching and engaging in end-of-life issues after her mother’s dying experience with Alzheimers. For additional information, email Kay at klmiller48@hotmail.com.
