Though raising a healthy and happy child is every parent’s dream, parenting is not easy.

Many parents who have more than one child know how different each of their children can be from one another. What works with one child may not work for the next.

Parenting, or any kind of caregiving, is not about knowing what to do at all times; it is about figuring out what to do, and what our children need, in the moment.

If you are a parent or caregiver of a baby who cries a lot, despite every effort to comfort or soothe them, you might feel frustrated, angry, sad, alone, exhausted, or hopeless. In fact, many, if not all parents and caregivers feel these feelings at some point. If only there was a way for babies to communicate their needs and wants to us — well, there is!

Babies communicate in the form of cues. Understanding infant cues helps parents and caregivers know when babies are hungry, tired, cold, hot, scared, playful, etc. Sometimes it is easy to read infant cues and sometimes it is not so easy. When things are going well, a parent can feel grateful and feel confident in their abilities.

When being a parent or caregiver makes us feel frustrated, angry, sad, alone, exhausted, or hopeless, that may be a sign to reach out for support. You can turn to your trusted community network of health providers or may consider contacting an infant mental health specialist.

Infant mental health (sometimes called early relational health) is a baby’s developing capacity to experience, manage, and express their emotions and explore their environment through close, connected relationships with their caregivers, which in turn, supports their overall development.

Babies come into the world with the ability to have a rich emotional life, and their brains develop the fastest during their first three years. Their relationship with caregivers is the most critical one for developing their sense that the world is a safe and caring place.

Getting support in identifying a baby’s cues is one way to unravel the complexity of an infant or child that is difficult to soothe. The parent is already working hard to care for their infant or children, providing shelter and nutrition and balancing responsibilities. Learning a baby’s cues can help decipher this complex puzzle.

Parents and caregivers are the healing agents for their children. By learning to read their baby’s cues, parents become empowered to help their children navigate their world.

Marie Sohl is an infant and early childhood mental health specialist with 20 years of experience working with babies and young children.

She explains her work like this: “We begin by finding the strengths in the relationship and how the baby and caregivers are successfully connecting. Then we build on how the parents are already meeting their child’s needs and support the parent in areas of difficulty to help them get back on course.

Zero to six is a pivotal time when children are forming attachments to the important people in their lives. It can be challenging for caregivers to understand their baby’s cues, especially if their own cues were not acknowledged as a child. Being with another parent through this process helps parents gain confidence in interpreting their child’s cues, which enriches their ability to respond to and support their child’s development.

“It’s really not me, as an infant mental health specialist, that helps the baby or child, but through supporting the parent and their desire to do their very best for their infant/child,” Sohl explains.

Signs of a child’s distress are crying, tantrums, looking sad, or difficulty with sleeping, eating or toileting. Parenting can be challenging at any age. Infant mental health supports the parent/child bond from birth through age 5. Not understanding why a child cries, self-doubt, and feelings of isolation can be clues that one could benefit from infant mental health support.

Parents do not have to be alone. Support is available. Sohl seeks to connect and collaborate with community members who work with young children to provide support during the foundational years, which are critical to children’s ability to thrive.

Sohl provides infant mental health services at Vashon Youth & Family Services. Services are available with Medicaid or on a sliding fee basis.

Tiffany Schira is the fundraising and communications manager for Vashon Youth & Family Services. To learn more about infant mental health, or to reach Marie Sohl, contact Vashon Youth & Family Services at 206-463-5511 or msohl@vyfs.org.