If you’re ready for a scare that goes beyond the shock of seeing another Miley Cyrus performance, you’re in luck because it’s nearly Halloween.

Halloween is nothing without ghost stories, and I have three real ones to share today. Two of these ghosts are on Vashon, so perhaps you can see them yourself. Unfortunately, I had to delete place names from these accounts to protect the innocent business owners at … oops, I almost said it. Anyway, if you can’t see these spirits, there are others. Even the lumber yard has spirits.

Although I am ready to share these stories, I am not ready for Halloween. Every year, I resist dressing up in my scariest costume (bald head, glasses, gray beard) until I have answered the question: “Why are Oktoberfest celebrations held in September?” Despite my German heritage, I’m amazed by this every year, but not as amazed as you will be after you read these stories of the supernatural, as related by this super natural writer.

The first ghost is one I heard about while dining with Wife Margaret at our favorite island restaurant. We were joking about ghosts with the wait staff when one of them told us of a ghost that haunted that very establishment. Several people saw him, a stately gentleman, and the general opinion was that he was looking out for the welfare of the owners, because he seemed fatherly rather than threatening. That restaurant is no longer in business, but there is still an eatery in the building, so if you happen to be dining at one of our local restaurants, jump up from your meal and ask loudly if anyone has seen a ghost. No matter the response, your evening will be more interesting.

The second haunting I have witnessed myself. There is a building in town with a pair of small restrooms in back, at the end of a hallway behind a creaky door. If you use either restroom, you’ll immediately experience an unworldly cold that envelopes that space. It is always chilly there, and it’s especially noticeable if you have to sit down. Some believe this is evidence of a haunting.

According to one account, the ghost that haunts that place is a poltergeist who has been known to lock the door while someone was using the plumbing. I know this for a fact because I was there one evening when an important local personality was trapped for nearly an hour after the access door mysteriously locked itself. She was rescued only by calling her husband on a cell phone. I have forgotten the name of the trapped VIP, but I might remember if I had a little extra cash. Write your phone number on the back of a $20 bill so I can thank you. For a $50 bill, I could forget again.

The third sighting was not so much a ghost as a member of the undead. This summer, Margaret and I went to Los Angeles for a short vacation. While touring a Hollywood cemetery, we stumbled on the grave of actress Maila Nurmi, also known as Vampira, who starred as a vampire in the 1959 film “Plan 9 from Outer Space.” According to her tombstone, she died in 2008. For this reason, I knew she was technically deceased, so you can imagine my surprise when I took a flight from Portland to Seattle a few weeks ago and discovered that a woman who could pass for Vampira’s identical twin was to be on board. Because Vampira did not have a twin, I have to conclude this was Vampira herself, returned from the dead to reprise her earlier role.

The woman in question was tall with long, dark hair, a pale complexion, red-painted nails and dark eye makeup. She was wearing a slinkly black outfit that showed a lot of leg, and she floated rather than walked, gliding toward the gate in an unearthly fashion.

After we had both entered the plane and found our seats, a laughing couple entered with a plate of food. They found their seats across the aisle from Vampira, who instantly assumed a hostile manner. The couple excused themselves, apologizing for the overpowering smell of their garlic fries.

Vampira looked at them with gritted (and pointed) teeth and said slowly “I’m … allergic … to … garlic.” She stood up, gathered her things and moved to the other end of the plane, covering her face with her sleeve as if she were wearing a cape.

I’m not sure why Vampira was headed to Seattle in September, unless it was to grab a bite at Oktoberfest. I’m already planning ahead to next year’s Maifest celebration in Hermann, Mo., a historic German town on the Missouri River. When is the Maifest celebration, you ask?

I’m guessing April.

— Greg Wessel is an island writer and humorist.