Editor’s Note: This opinion piece is a response to a comment by an organizer of Strawberry Festival cage fighting that there’s not much for 18- to 30-year-old men to do at the festival.

A number of people have remarked that because I am a graduate of two engineering schools at a time when female students were at a premium and when drunken debauchery was celebrated, I better than most should be able to recommend events of interest to 18- to 30-year-old males.

The current cage fighting controversy has highlighted this need, real or otherwise, so I am taking the liberty of offering the following suggestions below for next year’s Strawberry Festival.

In this year’s festival, we had drugs (beer and wine), loud music (albeit some of which was jazz, which really should be spelled “jaZZzzz”), as well as cheap merchandise, trashy food, violence and mob fighting. We also had one subdued athletic event for people with good knees.

But we are missing two classic components important to young males: nudity and funky wild competitive events.

So, with that in mind, I propose the following 10 events for your consideration, only two of which are serious. You, the gentle reader, must decide (or vote on) which is which.

• A wet T-shirt competition. Dibs on the squirt gun rentals.

• Better yet, take the wet T-shirt ladies (and men) and sit them above a dunk tank filled with ice water. Three balls for $5.

• Bikini mud wrestling. We have lots of mud. Seems like a natural.

• An all-sexes swimsuit contest with body painting. Hey, we’re artists!

• Nude cycling as one-third of a triathlon. What has Fremont got that we haven’t, besides youth and more cool restaurants like Gusto Girls?

• Speaking of cycling, how about a bicycle road rally? At a string of stations, riders could be required to do disgusting and degrading things, like having their tattoos photographed (dibs on the book rights) or the ever-popular dog poop relay. This should be sponsored by a brewery.

• A dance competition. And forget jazz. If you want to live forever, you gotta polka. Leavenworth, move over! Vashonistas march to the beat of a different accordion.

• A tofu hot dog eating contest. How many fake wieners can you stuff?

• The Running of the Dogs — like its sister event in Spain, but safer.

• Every spring, Boulder, Colo., hosts the Kinetic Sculpture Challenge, which is a race of homemade human-powered vehicles that must cross both water and land. I did this myself twice in the 1980s, once as Conan the Librarian (“Be quiet or beheaded!!”) and once as The Black Widows (with cool spider costumes). I propose we do this, too, and additionally require the vehicles to be 60 percent by weight recycled materials. We can begin the race in Dockton, cross to Burton and end up in town. The vehicles can be displayed during the Saturday parade.

So here’s my entry for the race: Battlestar Sciatica. Anyone interested in being on the team?

— Greg Wessel is the curator of Two Wall Gallery.