Recently, The Beachcomber’s editorial staff was inspired to make their Letters to the Editor section more locally focused.

The staff’s explanation of this process was well-considered and clear. But as a long-time letter reader I immediately spotted several areas where confusion might linger.

If I were on The Beachcomber’s staff, I might offer the following interpretations to guide you through this transition. (The Beachcomber’s policy is in plain text; my comments are in italics.)

• The letters section is a place for readers to respond directly to the news and opinions shared in the newspaper — or those which the paper should be covering. It’s not a platform for personal soapboxes. Have you heard about the cathartic benefits of venting on social-media platforms? We’ll happily supply you with a list of like-minded websites.

• With four more years of a contentious White House administration ahead of us, we anticipate receiving a large volume of letters both con and con. Fact-checking and editing letters is taxing, and we cannot permit it to take away from our ability to cover the news. Or to eat, sleep, or practice bodily hygiene.

• We typically don’t publish letters about business or neighbor disputes. So if you’re writing to complain about someone whose dog has repeatedly mistaken your mailbox area for a Sani-Can, don’t send your letter to us. Send it to the owner’s mailbox. With or without supporting evidence, if you know what I mean.

• We edit letters for space, clarity, civility and accuracy. For example: if the Fire Department hires a new chief, if a 24-hour emergency clinic opens up, or if gasoline drops below $4/gallon, we would edit your Letter to the Editor for space. If you say the Fire Chief has opened a 24-hour emergency clinic at the gas station, we would edit your letter for accuracy.

• If your letter contains claims which are extremely difficult to confirm, we may not run it. Consider if your concerns would be better submitted as a news tip. An example that works both ways would be “Aliens Walk Among Us!”

• Some readers send us letters through political campaign websites, like newmode.org. We don’t run these letters, even environmentally-oriented ones with brilliant slogans like “There Is No Planet B.”

• We have no obligation to print a letter you send us. So if you send in a diatribe titled “Why aren’t bananas as good as they were when I was a kid,” you probably won’t see it in print.

• We don’t publish anonymous letters, letters under pen names, or letters written by more than one person. For example, a letter with the group signatures “Ima Pepper, Ura Pepper, and Chill E. Pepper” would not be printed.

• We don’t take letters down from our website after they’ve been published. So be prepared to suffer the long memories of your fellow islanders for at least ten years after you’ve reconsidered your opinion.

• We strive to run as many letters as possible, especially those critical of The Beachcomber. But if this column is offensive to you in any way, please don’t send a Letter to the Editor about it. Send it to your dog-owning neighbor’s mailbox. With or without supporting evidence, if you know what I mean.

Island author and comedy writer Cindy Hoyt is a Beachcomber humor columnist.