By LAURA WISHIK
People who need people are the luckiest people in the world,” sings Barbara Streisand. In truth, we all need people, but some of us, myself for one, don’t like to admit it.
One of the basic human needs is closeness to other people; without it, infants don’t develop properly and can even die. But how much do we need other people? And what kind of connections do we need?
In communities where many healthy folks are over 100 years old, there are particular kinds of connections: multi-generational families that spend a lot of time together is one kind. In those places, centenarians say that family is their top priority. Faith-based communities are another kind of connection; the health benefits do not depend on the type of faith. Spiritual practices relieve stress, which is good for health, and sharing those practices with others adds to the benefits of human connections.
Creating a “tribe” of people who share a healthy lifestyle and who support and encourage each other is the third kind of connection seen where people live long and healthy lives. On Vashon, I see potential tribes evolving from groups that walk or run together along our roads. I know one small tribe that coalesced over shared weekly coffee at Snapdragon. For me, the hardest part is being intentional about creating a tribe. My approach to life has been to wait and see friends appear, like shells washing up on the beach. When the tide is high, they may disappear again. Setting out to build ties with people who I want to support and who I trust to support me — that is scary.
The recent heavy rains followed by wind storms on Vashon were stark reminders of how important connections with people are. One friend, Jim, owner of R/O Enterprises, came to our house at 8 a.m. one Sunday morning to install a sump pump as water flowed into our lower floor. We were on our way to the airport, headed to Utah. When the wind storm was predicted, Jim picked up and installed a generator to keep the sump pump going without power. Then he scrambled over and around fallen trees to get back to our house when the generator needed to be started. A friend sheltered our daughter for the night when she couldn’t return to our tree-blocked, powerless house; a neighbor cleared the trees the next day. We felt blessed to have these people help us.
The key to a long and healthy life is to have people like these in your life all the time and to give to them as much as you receive. The holiday season puts a spotlight on whether we have a tribe or not. My husband and I lack immediate family in this area, and every year I think I will find people to share Thanksgiving and Christmas celebrations with us. Every year I procrastinate until it is too late. I’m turning 60 in February 2016. It’s about time I built my tribe. So this is my New Year’s resolution: In 2016 I will intentionally build a tribe of people who share my interest in a healthy lifestyle, who I want to support in their lives and who I trust to support me.
How? Wait and see.
— Laura Wishik is a mother, attorney and head of Shape Up Vashon.
