Hopes that a missing island woman would return safely ended abruptly last week with news of her death, and islanders are now preparing to honor her life and fill the many holes her absence has left in the fabric of this community.

The body of Kirsten Proffit, who would have turned 45 later this month, was found by a park ranger at Twin Harbors State Park last Thursday evening. She is believed to have ended her life that same day, three days after being reported missing by her husband, Spencer Proffit. The couple, who were in the process of divorcing, were married for 20 years and have two children, Henry, age 12, and Oliver, 9. Her boys were the light of her life, friends and family say.

Spencer reported Kirsten missing Tuesday morning last week, after she had not returned to pick up the boys the previous evening. Authorities believed that Kirsten left voluntarily and said that legally they could not conduct a search because of her right to privacy. Friends and family stepped in, however, and searched for her on Vashon, made a Facebook page about her disappearance, distributed a “missing” poster and placed several calls to state parks and campgrounds when they learned she might have been camping.

After the news of her death began circulating last Friday, people were encouraged to light candles in her honor, and a Facebook page was made for people to post photos of burning candles. Daniel Luechtefeld, who led a Cub Scout troop with Kirsten, was among those who posted a tribute to her, noting that she had helped him through a dark time.

“Kirsten was the candle,” he wrote.

Indeed, in talking to family and friends and reading the many words of remembrance in a Facebook page Spencer made for their children, Kirsten appears to have been a candle for countless people and to have served as Vashon’s own goodwill ambassador.

Tina Parrish, a close friend who met Kirsten in “the trenches of motherhood” several years ago, said Kirsten was good at “gathering lives.” Last Friday night several women came together to grieve, and for many, Parrish said, Kirsten was the first person who had befriended them on the island.

“She was so good at reaching out to other people,” Parrish said. “She was so good. I just wish she was better at reaching out for herself.”

Conversations with her loved ones reveal a woman who dazzled with her vibrancy and warmth, who was at home, whether creating a website through her own business, serving as a scout leader, sewing quilts in the local quilt guild or enjoying an evening out with friends, belting out a song on karaoke night.

Most people on the island knew her as this vibrant woman — the first to volunteer for a task or an adventure, an all-around lover of life, who would not let anyone near her play the part of a wallflower. Yet some of her closest family and friends say there was another side of Kirsten that many people did not know: Kirsten struggled with mental illness for many years and sought treatment for it.

It is well documented that some mental illnesses, such as depression and bipolar disorder, raise the risk of suicide. Mental health officials say the topic of suicide should be discussed in terms of mental health, as the decision to end one’s life has deep roots and does not arise on its own.

Now, while honoring Kirsten, family members say it is important that this information be shared so that people might make sense of her death, that mental illness might lose a bit more of its stigma and that someone else might be helped because of it.

Jessica Proffit, one of Kirsten’s sisters-in-law, is a clinical social worker, who noted their large extended family loved Kirsten, including the young family members with whom Kirsten had a particular knack of connecting.  Through the years, Kirsten shared some of her struggles with Jessica, who said Kirsten did a lot to counter her mental health problems.

“She fought really hard for a really long time,” Jessica said. “She was functioning with something enormous.”

Kirsten truly was someone who loved life and loved to help others, Jessica stressed, but she and others say that Kirsten also used staying busy and involved as a coping mechanism.

“It worked for many years,”  Jessica said. “In the end she was not able to fight it any longer.”

Now, Spencer said, it is up to those left behind to take the pain and lessons from Kirsten’s life and death and carry them forward in a meaningful way.

“Can we help somebody else?” he asked.

Kirsten was born Sept. 29, 1969, in Berkeley, California, to parents Tom and Anne Anderson. Family members say she liked to claim she was in Berkeley in the late 1960s. In 1970, her family, which grew to include five sisters and a brother, moved to Utah, and in 1973 to Michigan, where they lived until 1980. In Kirsten’s teenage years, they moved to Atlanta, and in 1993, she moved to Provo, Utah, where she met and married Spencer.

As a couple they moved around as well, living in Atlanta, North Carolina and finally settling in Washington State.

Spencer recalled that they came to the Northwest on vacation and loved the green, the ferries and outdoor lifestyle.

“People were nice. More relaxed than in the East. The lifestyle seemed to fit with us,” he said.

They first settled in Bellevue, but it was a year that rained constantly. They moved away to Utah, he said, and instantly missed the Northwest. They returned a few years later and again lived in Bellevue, eventually settling on Vashon about eight years ago.

“We just felt it was a good place for the kids to roam,” he said.

At first they lived in a rural area of the island, and Kirsten felt lonely and isolated, he recalled. When they got a chance to manage the Vashon Place Apartments, they intended to stay for two years, but they stayed for almost seven. Kirsten thrived in the environment, as she was very much a people person, he said.

As the children got older, she became involved in organizations that the boys were part of, which Spencer said helped her find her groove on the island.

“I would say that she loved the island because it was such a great place for the kids, and she loved other kids and making it a great place for everybody,” he said. “That is who she was and what she wanted to do.”

And, in fact, that is what she did, by all accounts. The list of organizations she was part of most recently includes the board of the PTSA, where president Jackie Merrill credits her with bringing back Science Nights, helping with the group’s annual auction and an abundance of other tasks, down to designing the new Chautauqua T-shirts.

“Every time you see a T-shirt, know she had a hand in helping creating those,” Merrill said.

Kirsten had recently become active in VARSA, which works to prevent teenage drinking and drug use on Vashon, and she was long involved with scouting.

Ellen Denny, whose son was part of her troop, said she will be missed tremendously there for the creative projects she brought and the stories she told whenever there was a boring moment.

“She even had a Scout shirt. I was in awe of her. She always had it going on,” Denny said.

In another online tribute, Luechtefeld noted Kirsten’s love of tie-dye and his own dislike of it.

“I am going to try to make tie-dye neckerchiefs for our scouts before her memorial service,” he wrote. “As a tribute to her generosity and service, we will wear them for a period of mourning and remembrance.”

Kirsten also belonged to the Vashon group Family of Women, which encourages its members to take responsibility for successful relationships and contribute to society by being leaders.

One member called Kirsten “the ruby in the room.” Another said, in part, “She did not follow the crowd and would speak her own thoughts. … She made many of us brave. She made many of us stretch to do more, and she made many of us learn to care more.”

Kirsten had a tribe of women friends, on island and off — and she went out of her way to help them, even in quiet ways: insisting on an outing with a friend struggling with post-partum depression, nudging another into starting her own business and creating a welcoming environment for a friend’s special needs child.

Some friends and family say now they will look to her example — with moderation — and step up their own efforts with friends, family  and community.

“I think her loss has left such a huge void, but we can bridge it if we all work together,” Spencer said. “We can take the different aspects of her life, and if we share those, we can bridge that void.”

Service of Remembrance

A Service of Remembrance will meet at 7 p.m. this evening, Sept. 3, at the Church of Jesus of Christ of Latter-Day Saints, 9330 SW 204th St. on Vashon.

Outdoor music and youth activities organized by local Boy and Cub Scouts will begin at 6:15 p.m. Please arrive early and park across the street in the school parking lot to reserve closer parking for those who need it.

Guests are encouraged to bring handpicked flowers and to dress in bright colors to celebrate Kirsten’s vibrant spirit.

A funeral and interment will take place in Richmond, Utah, on Saturday.

Fund for the Proffit Children

A fund has been set up at Chase Bank on Vashon for the expenses related to the health, education and welfare of Henry and Oliver Proffit.

Checks can be made out to “Donation Account for Henry and Oliver Proffit.”