Dear Ebenezer,

Greetings from beyond the grave. I trust this finds you well, although the recent news troubles me greatly. Can it possibly be true that you asked the local constabulary to stop kindly elves from raising money for families and kids? Put another way, Scrooge, YOU CALLED THE COPS??? I thought the visit from the spirits helped you learn about the true meaning of Christmas. But apparently the Great Recession has caused you to relapse into your former unpleasant self.

You should now prepare for another visit from the ghostly ones because they’re gravely unsettled with you. Remedial work is not something they enjoy. If you were scared 168 years ago, you’ll definitely have a sleepless night this time around.

It’s not too late to change this outcome.

First, go buy a ticket to Drama Dock’s presentation of “A Christmas Carol.” You clearly need a refresher of what Christmas is all about, and they’ll do a nice job.

Second, part with some of your gold farthings and give generously to Vashon Youth & Family Services. It will be as rewarding as when you helped Tiny Tim and his family.

Look in the mirror, Ebenezer. Remember how wonderful it is to be thoughtful and generous. Then get out there and help the elves. In the middle of the road.

Merry Christmas, my old friend,

— Jacob Marley (as conveyed to Jon Flora of Vashon Island)