The subject of domestic violence often makes people look away.

The grim fallout and statistics on interpersonal violence stagger and defy comprehension. As a survivor of early-childhood violence, I move between gratitude for my current life and remembering.

The memories now make up only part of my story — no longer central to my understanding of myself and my life. A piece of a bigger picture.

I write about early childhood violence to make the subject accessible, so people know they are not alone — so that violence cannot crouch hidden, giving it the tacit agreement in which it thrives.

My growth emerging from a violent childhood took time and help. Violence interferes with cognitive development. It interrupted and denied my ability to develop a sense of self — as a person worthy of respect.

Although I believe love is intrinsic to every soul, comprehending that is not a given, it is something children learn from those entrusted with their care. Violence undermined my understanding of reality. It altered my ability to function.

I reflect on how I survived. In part, I take cold comfort knowing my story is not unique.

As a child, I also saw families living in peace — that not everyone’s lives buckled under chaos and pain. As an adult whose life looped in and out of control, fellow survivors recognized me and held my hand.

I attended 12-step programs and therapy — that is, I had access to resources.I learned coping strategies, and how to grapple up and move through.

The effects of violence were deep-seated. It’s one thing to learn what’s true — it’s another to stand your ground, to believe you are worthy of love and care, and never settle for anything less. That takes time, practice and re-learning.

It takes recognizing what real love looks like — and perceiving warnings of abuse for what they are. And it takes hope. A person can make choices when they know they have alternatives.

I also write this commentary to encourage people to support organizations that provide highly specialized assistance — shelter, education and advocacy for people fighting for their lives and the lives of their children.

Currently, the Vashon DOVE Project is holding fundraising efforts coinciding with Domestic Violence Awareness Month in October.

DOVE is a domestic violence and sexual assault agency that provides survivor services, prevention education and community programming in an effort to reduce interpersonal harm.

Survivors help forge strong bonds in communities, bringing insight and strength to bear. And while violence may never be eradicated, neither will love.

This kind of care is how we transform pain into power.

Marie Koltchak is an island writer.