Middle school. Those two words alone are enough to strike fear in the hearts of mortal women everywhere. It was a scary time for many of us, a time when we learned about bullying, about not fitting in. Me, I survived it. I did OK and held my own, while not exactly the belle of the ball. High school finally came and I hit my stride, becoming a happy, busy teenager. But middle school?  Like I said, I survived.

For many girls, middle school is a time of uncertainty, of loss of connection. It is a feeling of not being part of things. Kids who were kind yesterday suddenly change and become bullies. And for many girls, the emotions go crazy.

That’s why I am loving so much that my middle child is having the “un-middle school” experience.

They key for our daughter has been her friends. She is a part of a tight network of girls. They play sports together. They sing together. They work hard in school together. 

Here is something else I know of these girls: I am crazy about them.

Many of them have been in my Camp Fire group in the past or on my basketball or fastpitch teams.  I don’t know why so much of my volunteer activities seem to hover around this child (when I actually have three!), but I feel inordinately connected to the sixth-grade class.

I also know the parents. We have stood in the rain at soccer, chatted at basketball practices and helped each other at room parties.

But whatever the reason, these girls are connected to each other. And, more importantly, I don’t see much cruelty, which can often be the case with middle school girls.

Recently my daughter had her birthday party. One girl was invited, and although she couldn’t stay for the whole function, she wanted to come by and leave a present. This girl is considered a “special needs” kid.  All of the girls were so excited to see her and came running to greet her when she arrived. One of them in particular stayed with the girl for most of the time, hanging out with her, spending time with her. She had such amazing empathy, such caring for a kid who sometimes has a hard time fitting in.

How do we maintain this? How do we keep this circle together, these kind girls, these happy girls? How do we keep them going strong and saying no to the behaviors the middle school girls begin to practice?

My oldest child had a different time in middle school. Without giving too much away in our small little town, it wasn’t her favorite time, especially sixth-grade. By seventh-grade she had eased in a little. By eighth-grade she was actually happy. Now in high school, she is loving life. I always knew she would work her way out of it, but it is so good to finally be here.

I looked at my husband the other day and said, “Do you realize our three kids are all totally happy?” I wish I could freeze this exact moment. Lord knows that middle school could change. High school could change. Heck, even my solid third-grade boy could hit a rough patch.

But all of the sudden, I am at a place that finds my kids feeling settled, feeling emotionally connected to their communities and friends.

I hope that it continues. I hope this wonderful sixth-grade network of girls continues to be supportive. I listen sometimes when I am driving them around, and I am amazed. I hope they continue to have conversations about how hard they are working on homework, or how much sleep they think they should get before their soccer games. I hope they continue talking supportively about those who are different from them and how they can include them. I really do.

And in case change is ahead, I will remember this time. I will remember these middle school girls and how they turned the cliché on the head, how they showed that girls can be kind, whatever age.

I would love to have just a bit more of them in me sometimes.

— Lauri Hennessey, owner of a public relations firm, has three children.